Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Before I had kids, there were things that never even crossed my mind that I would one day say. Now as a mom, there are moments of clarity when I realize what I just said. Here's a few of them.

• Don't color on your weenie!
• If you have to adjust yourself, go to the bathroom or your bedroom! 
• Don't poop on the floor! Don't pick it up!
• It's not funny to pee on Mommy. (Said while the culprit is still giggling to himself.)
• Explain what sexy means (after my oldest heard "I'm Sexy And I Know It" on the radio). In case you were wondering,  sexy means you think someone is cute and want to make kissey faces. (My oldest currently thinks it's gross when my husband and I kiss. It's the best I could come up with at the time.)
• Explain why it's not ok to sing "I'm Sexy And I Know It".
• Explain why Mommy doesn't have a weenie.  Shortly followed by "No, you won't have boobies when you get older."
• The good old standby, "Because I Said So!" (Seriously, I hated this as a kid and swore I wouldn't say it. But I've realized, in great thanks to my sister in law's wisdom and my own kids, that toddlers just don't understand logic yet. Once they do, they try to out-logic you!)
• Pull your pants up before you leave the bathroom!
• Don't put a toy in your diaper (as he tries to sneak a toy to bed).
• Don't wipe your nose on me!
• Don't eat the flowers! (We have grape flowers in the yard, and he told me they looked like berries.)

Above mentioned grape flowers.